Hello friends,
Since I have a burning need to express myself, but also a deep anxiety about the fact that nobody would pay attention if I did, I have decided to pick the middle ground and express myself in a place where NOBODY can find it without REALLY caring. That way I CAN'T FAIL! I mean, all it would take is adding /blog to my website URL but to do that you'd actually want to hear my opinion and I doubt that is the case for anyone.
That's enough self pity for now! I released a song like 3 weeks ago, I put a lot of myself into it and then immediately wanted to change everything about it when it was released. It has crumbled and fallen by the wayside due (I imagine) to the slightly longer than common form, and some shoddy vocal work. Also the start is kind of lame, I wish I'd added horns to it instead of the synth since that doesn't quite have the energy I wanted. I initially uploaded a poor master that I did myself, another act of self-sabotage. Realising not long after that it was quite inferior, I replaced it with a more professional master but I think most people who listened would have formed their opinion about it.
The best part of the song is the second half I think, which is counter-intuitive for a single. I like songs which take their time, like Lewis Taylor or Marvin Gaye on some of his more experimental albums (Troubleman and Here, My Dear). It's like an atmospheric thing, you disregard the standard verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus format and play a game of tension and release. I think I may have bitten off more than I could chew though, since it didn't even attract the attention of other people who like that sort of music.
Played a show last week as a single launch. About 110 people came which is ok, I didn't have as much awareness spread about it as I'd have liked but I'm not gonna ruminate on it too much. The organisational side of things always kills my confidence. Between the lack of returned emails and the tepid release of the single itself there's potential for a hazardous decline into self-pity that I can ill-afford to indulge in right now. The actual set we played was great, probably as tight as we've ever been, so that's nice.
Got a few more songs to release, just have to clean up the vocals on Interlude and I Don't Know, then get them mixed. Don't think I'll do an EP launch, I'll just dump them on the internet and let the music I've worked on for 6 odd years die a quick death. I think I am learning that I do not have the right kind of self-belief, nor the specific talent set for the music industry. My ambitions outweigh my abilities, is what I mean. I want to express a set of GRAND philosophical questions that have plagued me, but I don't actually have the capacity to do much more than think about them and rue my position. An internal focus demonstrates a dearth of ones capacity for meaningful communication.
I WANNA GO streaming now! Help me crack the dollar mark in streaming royalties this year!
Love Kallan